When filing for divorce with your lawyer is imminent, it’s understandable that one would feel overwhelmed by the negative aspects of the entire process. How will I possibly get by living on my own again? How will this impact the kids? Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life? Some people choose to stay in an unhappy – or even downright miserable – marriage rather than face the uncertainties that come with a divorce. For the majority of the populous, there is a general assumption or belief that marriage is a wonderful and satisfying experience. But in truth, most of us know couples who, while unhappy with each other, still remain together anyway.
There are lots of reasons why those in unhappy marriages don’t just simply cut their heavy losses with a quick trip to the law office. Some of the main reasons for hesitancy in the dissolution for marriage include:
Financial security. Many couples who treasure their financial assets are willing to overlook their emotional unhappiness to maintain their lifestyles when it comes to property division.
Cost of Divorce. Some may be discouraged by the fees and legal costs that come with a divorce, even though they can be affordable by doing a web divorce.
Social status. The divorce process can turn everything upside down, including friendships and social status. Many people, especially those in rich families, would rather keep their country club membership, social clubs, and prominent standing than get a divorce.
Values and beliefs. Divorce isn’t an option for people with certain religious beliefs, family values, etc.
Children. The idea that the children are better off with both parents together keeps some parents from getting a divorce. In this case, the couple has to revitalize their relationship by force, or at least model civil co-existence in the household.
Fear of being alone. Sometimes the fear of being alone overrides the desire for something better and more fulfilling.
However, despite these factors, the reality is that it is time to move past this worn-out & ancient Victorian concept by biting the bullet and simply taking the first step. It’s popular knowledge among therapists that in cases of abuse, neglect, or cheating, people can’t walk away soon enough. And it’s a fact that those who are conflict-avoidant are likely to suffer the most in the long run.
Moreover, a bad marriage can be just as damaging for personal health as excessive drinking or work stress. Strong personal boundaries as well as good communication form the bedrock for a relationship that helps people grow. So if this is clearly missing from your relationship, then it’s time for the parties involved to recognize that the “mend it, don’t end it” notion must not be applied by proceeding with divorce papers.
BENEFITS THAT JUSTIFY DIVORCE
It Provides A New Lease On Life:
It’s easy to rationalize the thought that you’re better off staying in a marriage – even if it’s not right – because of the sense of security you feel. But is it worth your happiness? The true love of your life could be out there while you’re chained down in a marriage that’s causing you unhappiness. Divorce, as scary as it can be, is a transition. It’s a new lease on life. You now have the ability to make different choices.
It’s Better Than Staying In An Unhealthy Relationship:
Children learn vicariously through their parents what love, respect, and caring should entail. They’ll likely emulate how both spouses act toward one another when it comes to their own relationships, especially if they are young and impressionable. By displaying negative emotions toward your spouse (or vice-versa), you’re normalizing this behavior in the eyes of your children. The last thing you should want for your child is for them to misunderstand what true love in a relationship looks like.
Allows You To Meet The Right Person:
It may take a while to heal emotionally after getting a divorce. But eventually, feelings of mistrust and low self-esteem do dissipate. It may take some counseling to regain perspective on your own life and learn to love yourself again. But as long as you put the work in, you will heal. And this clears the road for a new partner. Your true love could be waiting out there, and staying in a non-functioning marriage will just prevent you from ever meeting them. It’s better to get over the fear of starting over, and when you’re ready, get back into the dating world. This time around, you’ll be more conscientious of what you’re looking for in a significant other.
A Hostile Home Is Bad For Your Kids Development:
Growing up in a hostile home can be seriously detrimental to children. If you and your spouse are hostile toward one another, your children may develop a fear of being home. Children should never be exposed to hostility. The divorce process can be detrimental to them as well, but not half as detrimental as being afraid of home or being afraid of you or your spouse because of the hostility they witness.
A Bad Marriage Is A Deterrent To Your Own Personal Growth:
When you’re stuck in a bad marriage, your emotional wellbeing is at stake. A bad marriage may be keeping you from doing the things in life that you want to do or from having the things in life that you deserve.
Mutual Investment Must Be Reciprocated:
Don’t fall into the belief that you’ll always invest more time, energy, and love in every relationship you have. You may find someone who wants a relationship with you to be successful just as much as you do and devotes all they can to achieve it. Mutual investment & spousal support is crucial in these situations.
GETTING AN UNCONTESTED DIVORCE
Separation can be tough for a couple as well as for the children. However, these days the requirements to complete the divorce process is more streamlined. You can now do it yourself, without an attorney, and get an online divorce over the internet. Moreover, while in the process of divorce, there are steps that you can take to help ease the stress and pressure that comes with separation. It all starts with a positive attitude & maturity.
Take into account all the good times you had together. This will help reflect on the best parts of the relationship and why you owe each other a civil separation without negativity.
Don’t talk negatively about your spouse to the kids. They are already experiencing difficulties from the changes and are most likely very frightened.
Don’t argue in the presence of the children either. This only enhances their insecurity levels.
Don’t be adamant about keeping certain unnecessary assets in the split just to be spiteful. This won’t help get through it any better or faster. It only needlessly prolongs the process.
It’ll be difficult, but try to be objective and less emotional by making the best, most rational decisions possible.
Establish a parenting plan. This can make life easier in regards to child-custody and ensure that all of the children’s needs are accounted for.
What is generally clear is that the worst approach to take during this period is to blame one another, as the harboring of resentment and anger is never good. A no-fault approach is important for the emotional health of all parties involved, especially the children.
All in all, the fact remains, a bad marriage will leave you unfulfilled and unhappy. Splitting up might be a shock to the system at first, but don’t be afraid to apply for a divorce. If you can take an amicable approach to the process, you can have a quick and easy online divorce. It’s time to look forward and open up a new chapter in your life.
Chrissy Ryland - I'm a freelance writer and blogger from Northern California. I grew up loving all things entertainment and travel and now I am blessed with a career that lets me write about both of those topics along with many others. For inquiries about a story you think I might want to cover, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org